red balloons

I’ve heard it said that if you really want to get to know someone, you should travel together. One of the most common phrases I saw while dipping my toe in the online dating world was “looking for someone to travel with.” Personally, I love to travel and there are a lot of places I would love to see, but realistically, when looking for someone to build a relationship with, I think it’s more important to look for things like “able to make me laugh while folding laundry or doing the dishes.” Maybe that’s why that whole online dating world didn’t work out well for me.

In the short amount of time that we had, Todd and I traveled, both separately and together, quite a bit. 

It started early. About one month after we started dating, I left for an epic girls’ trip that had been planned for a full year. I had a car service scheduled to drive me to the airport the day I left, but Todd volunteered to pick me up and bring me to the airport at 5 a.m. I didn’t fully understand at the time that this fit well into his typical morning schedule, as he was at the gym every morning by 5:30, so I was impressed by his willingness to be there for me. He was genuinely excited to see me that morning. I remember about five minutes into the drive, he realized that I had not been exaggerating when I told him that although I would love to spend the time in the car with him, I was not a morning person AT ALL and would likely not speak to him. We held hands, and I’m sure I responded to a few of his questions, but I was definitely not my normal sparkling self. It is what it is- mornings are rough. And he learned a little more about me. 

I flew out to California and met two of my very good girlfriends. Our first stop was a spa in Calistoga, where we indulged in mud baths and massages. The weekend only got better from there. The three of us had not traveled together before, but we discovered that we were actually amazing travel companions. Our motto quickly became “You do you.” Waking up early to go for a run? “You do you.” Needing one more cocktail before heading to bed? “You do you.” Buying 21 bottles of wine to ship home? “You do you.” Oh- the laughs we shared.

On day two, we visited a winery where a friend of a friend had set up a VIP tasting session for us. We were able to walk out to the edge of the mountainside where the winery was located, sit down in a gazebo dedicated to just us, and ask for anything we could possibly want. I’m fairly certain our classy selves brought in pizza from a local pizzeria to eat with the wine. Perfection. 

On day three, we woke up early and checked ourselves in for the whole reason we took the trip- just a quick little 5K race. Now- I know I touched on this before- I am not a runner. I am not really much of an athlete- truthfully walking around without tripping on my own feet is a challenge some days. (As an example, Todd and I brought the kids to the movies one random Saturday afternoon, about six months into our relationship. Everyone had a seat and I went out to pick up concessions. On my way back into the theater, as I was walking up the steps, I missed one, tripped, fell flat on my face and spilled every piece of popcorn and every ounce of the slushies I was carrying. Bless his heart for just shaking his head and asking if I was okay. Had the roles been reversed, I would have been crying laughing… I still have no idea WHY he married me… although I still have to ask- why was I the only one who had to go pick up concessions for six people? Now they know better.) I have zero (ZERO) hand-eye coordination and my depth perception is shaky. I played tennis in high school, but mainly because we got to wear cute skirts and the other girls on the team were so much fun to be around. I would like to blame it on my flat feet, which are so bad that Todd, being chief operating officer and chief of mergers and acquisitions for a major podiatry group, frequently told me that my feet were his insurance policy for his company. “$24,000 feet right there.” Sigh. 

For me personally, running this 5K was a big step. Because of my clear lack of athleticism, I had been told, sometimes in as many words but more frequently through a complete lack of support and belief in me, that I would never be able to accomplish something like finishing a race. So, when my friend (and ex-sister-in-law) Dana shared a link on Facebook for a 5K in Napa Valley, California, and asked who wanted to join her, I may have hesitated for a hot minute, but as it was during my year of growth, putting aside fears and re-learning what beliefs I held about myself were true or just learned based on the way I had been treated for years, I said yes and signed up the same day. I felt that 3.1 miles was an attainable goal, especially with a full year for training. I was definitely not in it to win, but just to finish to prove to myself I could do it. As a step in training, I signed up for a local 5K at home within the year of planning and ended up walking that one with another good friend. It was quite an accomplishment, as I never really had the time or opportunity to train as a single mom of three young boys who sucked up all of my time and energy. 

Due to my history and the beliefs ingrained in my heart regarding my ability to finish the race, I continued to have doubts, even on the morning of the race. But at every moment of weakness, Todd was there, telling me I could do it, and he sounded so sure of it that I believed him wholeheartedly. He was there for me while I was training at home before the trip, and again on the phone before the race, telling me he believed in me and he knew I would do great. He was there for me throughout the race, when he texted about every 10 minutes, telling me I was amazing and he couldn’t wait to get the call when I was done. He was the first person I called after I did cross the finish line, mainly because my feet hurt so badly I could barely walk around to the wine vendors with my free glass to get the tastings (seriously- if you love wine and 5Ks, this race is for you) and needed his advice on how to fix that (again with his expertise in podiatry). While I was proud of myself for the accomplishment, it also helped me learn that running and races are really not my thing. For those of you that found that love and enjoy it- cheers to you! My flat feet and I will be cheering you on in spirit. 

So the girls and I finished the race, toasted ourselves with a few glasses of wine, and headed back to the hotel for breakfast. We proceeded to spend the next three days touring wineries, signing up for every wine club ever invented, shopping for souvenirs, and eating some amazing food. Todd and I continued to talk and text continuously to the point it had to be obnoxious to the other girls. Thankfully, we had our “you do you” motto and I believe they were genuinely happy that I had found someone who treated me so well and made me so happy. I did, however, discover that three winery tours per day needed to be my limit, as on day four I woke up, scrolled through my texts from the night before, and looked at my friends in shock. Obviously, I needed them to step in and monitor me after winery tour number four the day before. I had started a text conversation with Todd about dream vacations, and more specifically a yacht cruise in the Virgin Islands. He told me we could make that happen. And then I VOLUNTARILY recommended that it be a naked sailing trip. Seriously. He never let me live that one down. 

We talked early on about the places we would like to visit and the dream vacations we both had in mind (minus that naked sailing trip- although he always wanted to keep that one on the table). We talked about places we had been throughout our lives that held happy memories with family and friends. He talked about how we would move to a tropical location after he retired, then once a month he wanted to pick a location to host a free clinic for disadvantaged children and spend his time teaching their parents how to care for them and do therapy at home, even if they had no money. He talked about how he would someday like to spend some time as a campground host- he loved to meet new people and he loved to camp. We seriously did some realty research for a place in the French Quarter of New Orleans, which was near and dear to both of us- for him after a lifetime of living in and loving the city and for me after our wedding there. We wanted to spend time in a lot of the same places and we were excited for the time when we would be able to make those dreams come true. 

While agreeing on the places to visit was never an issue, it was apparent early on in the relationship that Todd and I had VERY different approaches to vacation and travel planning. I am someone who likes to have months to plan. I remember a spring break trip to Nashville when I was a junior in college where I literally had planned out every moment, including a visit to an old Civil War battlefield because it was close by and was something I had enjoyed when I was young (bless you my dear friends- thank you for putting up with me- I know we made up for it with some seriously wild nights out downtown- but what in the world was I thinking?!? Why was an afternoon out by the pool not enough for us?!?) I like to research the must-dos and must-sees and map out each day to make sure I maximize the opportunity provided in whatever location I might be in. 

Also- and this is one area where I really have not changed- I fall on the side of grocery shopping at home and bringing coolers of food with me to any rental house where this is an option. I despise grocery shopping on a regular basis (my kids can vouch for this), and the very last thing I want to do when I get to a new place is hit up the local grocery store, wander aisles I am not familiar with only to spend an exorbitant amount of money all because I didn’t shop for ketchup in my own fridge before leaving the house. 

Todd’s approach to vacation planning was more in the camp of 4:30 p.m. on a Friday afternoon, no big plans yet for the weekend, “Hey sweetheart, I just booked us a campsite, I’ll be home in 30 minutes so we can go pick up the camper. Tell the kids.” 

I cannot begin to express how stressful this was to me in the early days of our relationship. Over time, he learned that I needed a little more notice, and he adjusted the best he could. And over time, I learned that even if we didn’t pack one ounce of food and just hit up the local Walmart when we arrived, we still never went hungry or thirsty, and those late night runs were really pretty fun in a way that only Todd could make them. 

One of the very first vacations that we took all together was a one-week trip to a beach house in Florida. The idea came from Hayley on that first Easter Sunday together as we talked about places we like to travel to. Of course, Todd had a connection to a house in Port St. Joe, Florida, and the next day I had dates booked in the calendar for a trip for the seven of us- plus we told each of the older kids they could invite a friend. 

We ended up having to drive in two vehicles- between the two of us and the eight children that were along for the ride, we had way too many people to fit into one car, not to mention the stuff- I pride myself on being able to pack to fit the space available- you show me that I have one small space for luggage, I will pack light, have a need for only one pair of shoes and fit into that space. But tell me I have two whole vehicles- and oh the crap (and the shoes!) that came along to the beach…

We left one day before we had access to the house, because it worked for our calendars and we wanted to maximize our time on the beach. We spent the first day at Panama City Beach, Florida, and enjoyed the restaurants, shops and the beach. It was a bit stormy and there were some epic waves that the kids enjoyed. We booked a few hotel rooms and spent an evening where the kids really got to know each other in the cramped rooms they were all sharing. Hayley learned exactly what a “sleeping boy” smell is as the boys all got too cold, turned off the air conditioning and proceeded to sleep in a hot, stuffy room connected to hers. Fun times and memories made- and that is what life is all about. 

We moved to the house the next day, and even though we had two vehicles to drive in and plenty of supposed space for food from home, we had to go to the grocery store to stock up on food for the week. I remember as we checked out and unloaded the TWO FULL CARTS, the cashier’s eyebrows kept getting higher until we explained that we had eight kids at home to feed. 

Although the house we stayed in was in Port St. Joe, Florida, we spent our days 20 minutes away on my favorite beach of all time- Cape San Blas. I hesitate to share the name of it, because it is such a lovely, unpopulated area. There are no high rises, condos or hotels. At the time, there were no real restaurants or tourist stores, although there may be one or two now. The beach is white sand and the water is clear turquoise. There are often dolphins frolicking in the water, and they will get pretty close to you if you let them. It is a dog-friendly beach, so there are happy puppies running everywhere (and also, one time, a pet racoon; to each their own, I guess). There is a seafood market where you can buy whatever fresh seafood you desire, an ice cream shop and one retired couple who runs a donut stand each morning where they serve donuts until they run out or just get tired- the hours fluctuate daily but the line begins at 6 a.m. It is truly heaven. 

We spent our days at the beach, a few afternoons at the pool, and our evenings playing games, painting beach pictures and spending time together. 

Todd and I spent the week getting closer and learning more about each other, as it was the first time we were in the same space 24 hours a day for an extended period. I cooked one night, and the next, when I tried to step into the kitchen to help him cook, he handed me a glass of wine and told me my only job was to “sit on the stool, drink your wine and talk to me.” I excelled at all three. (As I write this, it occurs to me that maybe he just hadn’t been a fan of my cooking, but I like to think that he really had a strong desire to take care of me and wanted me to be able to relax.) Watching him take care of not only me, but all of the children along on the trip (including the three that weren’t even ours), really gave me a good picture of the family man and caretaker that he was. He had a huge heart and a drive to make sure that we were all happy and had what we wanted.  

On our last morning of the week, we had to be out of the house early. We loaded up the two cars, counted to make sure we had all eight kids that we arrived with, and hit the road. We made an early stop at Chick-fil-a for breakfast, then pulled into a gas station to fill up for the five-hour trip home. Todd got out to pump the gas for both my car and Hayley’s- this was one of those tasks that he felt should be done by the man at all times. As I sat in the passenger seat, arguing with one of the children in my vehicle over how their feet weren’t really that cramped and it could be worse, Todd opened the door and said “Hey babe, hand me $40 cash.” I did, and he disappeared for a minute, then was climbing back in and ready to go. Since I knew he had used his credit card for gas, and he didn’t have anything with him from inside the gas station, I raised an eyebrow over the cash request. He gave me a little smile and said, “I heard the guy at the pump next to us on the phone. He just left his job site and left his wallet there. He didn’t have enough gas to get home or back to the job site and had no way to pay. He’s here doing construction cleanup from Hurricane Michael and I wanted to help him out.” 

That moment did me in, y’all. Up until then, I understood that Todd was a good man, that he cared deeply about his family and his work. I knew that he was funny and goofy and didn’t want to take life too seriously, because he fully understood how short our time on Earth can be and believed that you have to choose to just be happy. He never met a stranger and because of that had so many connections and stories- his life was full. I knew that he said what he meant and meant what he said, and if there was any possible way for him to make something happen, he would do it. But, for him to be in a situation where he could have just been worried about making sure that the two vehicles that were full of his own family had their needs met, full tanks of gas for the trip home, and been lost in thoughts over his own needs and responsibilities (which is where my mind would have been- and believe me when I say he had a lot going on for himself), and instead was perceptive enough to pick up on a total stranger’s distress, I knew that this man was something special and any other hesitations that I had over being involved with him were gone. He continued to tell me his belief that by helping the stranger, he felt he was acting as more of the church than if he had been in the pew that morning, putting the money in the offering plate, and I could not have agreed more. 

In the 26 months we had together, we took many other trips (please remember Todd’s 4:30 p.m. Friday afternoon philosophy) and there were many other situations where he would bless a total stranger, but this first trip to the beach and helping the stranger at the gas station will always be crystal clear in my memory and really solidified my understanding of who he really was as a person. This was just one example of how his actions served as red balloons for others- which is something I hope to do more of in his honor moving forward.