red balloons

(I wrote most of this story throughout the past year, when I have had time to sit and write, and I’ve been posting in the order of what I had written, because the story naturally develops that way. I think it’s a crazy coincidence that the week for “meet the parents” just happens to fall on Mother’s Day. So before I jump too far into this story, I wanted to add a quick note to say Happy Mother’s Day! to my mom who is the very best example of a servant’s heart and gives all of her time and effort to others without hesitation. When we were young, she made sure every holiday was absolute magic and set the standard for what I strive to provide for my kids. She spent her life teaching in elementary school and taking care of thousands of kids, and now instead of enjoying a quiet retirement, she jumped head first into weekly “Grandma day”s with the grandkids still in Minnesota (trips to parks and arboretums and zoos and ALL THE FUN THINGS) and serving her community at the local help center. It was absolutely no surprise at all when the kids and I received the invitation to visit my hometown in Minnesota this past summer when she was named “Citizen of the Year” for her hard work and dedication to the local help center/food shelf. Love you Mom! I’m so thankful to have you for support on this wild ride and I only hope I’m leaving the same impression on my kids that you did for us…)

I had a blessed childhood and grew up with an amazing family that included dad, mom, sister and brother. We fought in the normal way that siblings do, but in the end, we are all still close and  supportive of each other. Family has always been important, and I always wanted to give my boys that same sense of family closeness and unconditional love. This was one reason that the divorce was so difficult for me- I never wanted to give my boys any inkling that it was okay to just give up on someone and walk away. I focused, for the first three years post-divorce, on making sure that they felt that unconditional love from me, since that was the only thing I had control over. 

As I thought about my future and dating following the divorce, I wasn’t sure that I would ever be able to be serious with someone who had walked away from a spouse or a family, which, to be honest, really limits the field of potential matches at this stage in life. I dated a few men who were divorced, and if their reasoning behind it was just that they “grew apart” or “it just didn’t work out” those were MAJOR red flags for me. Those who were honest about the reason that “it just didn’t work out” earned major points for being aware of it. But I was still unsure about getting into anything serious with someone who felt it was okay to walk away from a commitment, because to me, that means something. 

During our first ever meeting that Sunday morning at church, and subsequently through years of Bible study together, I knew before even meeting Todd for our first date that family came first for him. I knew that he would have moved heaven and earth for his wife and his girls when they needed it. I also knew that if he had a choice, he would never have been available for a first date, which is a topic that I’ll have much more to say about later- connecting with a widow/widower is not an easy thing to do and I don’t come at that lightly or say it in an effort to diminish the extraordinary loss that Todd went through. I’m in the middle of it now and would never wish this pain on anyone. Again- this is a whole separate set of thoughts and reflections- and as I feel strongly led to share more about our personal story right now, I’ll leave that train of thought for another day. My point is this- going to meet Todd for the first time, I understood in my heart that God was placing someone in my life that had the same strong connection to family that I was praying for. 

As we began to get more and more serious in our relationship, Todd made it clear that he wanted to meet my family and that he wanted me to meet his. He was very close to his parents, and especially his mom, who he called every day. My parents LOVED this about him, because when he would hang up from his conversation with his mom, he would look at me, raise an eyebrow, and inevitably say “Did you call your mom today?” (Please remember my comment about how TERRIBLE I am at communication with friends- that also extends to family to a degree, so daily calls with my parents were not a thing at that point…) 

We started dating in February, and in May, Hayley was graduating from high school. I had watched Hayley grow up from a distance at church, and while we had never been close, I had heard so much about her from Christine within our Bible study group, and had watched her in the few months that Todd and I had been dating, so I was happy to join his family for her grad party at his house following the ceremony. I was able to meet his mom and dad, who he had talked so much about, for a fairly brief time- in true Todd and Hayley Domangue fashion, the party didn’t start until close to 10 p.m. and I had three young boys to get into bed. But we stopped by for cake and a quick hug and a very quick conversation with the family. 

The next month, my dad came into town to play a gig. Little known fact about me, my dad is a rock star. He has been playing in a band since he was in high school. They used to tour, and most of his stories start with a “Back when I used to rock and roll…” (In fact, my first husband and I went on a honeymoon right after we got married to Duluth, Minnesota, which is a beautiful city on Lake Superior, and also the hometown of both my mom and dad. While there on our honeymoon, we stopped by a gas station and while paying for snacks at the register, I looked over and saw a CD for Sound Inc., which just happens to be my dad’s band. We bought it on the spot and spent the rest of the week listening to it. How many people can say that?) One of the band members lives in the Atlanta area, so once a year, the rest of Sound Inc. travels south and they play a few gigs around town. 

Todd agreed to go with me to see the band play, and I was a little nervous about this introduction. We had only been dating a few months, and although I knew the connection was strong, I also knew that my parents had watched me go through the pain of the divorce and being left to raise three young boys mostly alone and they were understandably protective. I warned Todd going into it that my dad may have some serious questions for him and it may not be an entirely friendly reception. 

Wow- was I wrong. We spent a wonderful evening listening to great music, meeting new friends, and I had the privilege of watching Todd work his charm on everyone there. I know that my dad talked with him about a few serious things- most importantly the serious challenges going on with Alex and his behavior and mental health, and the struggles that were sure to be in the future. I was not at the table, but whatever Todd said must have been exactly what my dad needed to hear, because as he walked us out at the end of the night, there were hugs all around and invitations to visit in Minnesota and meet the rest of the family. While I thought there would maybe be reservations or cautions, there were none. Again, God was showing me that my fears were unfounded and that a relationship with Todd was my path. 

Later that summer, I took my annual road trip home to Minnesota. Because I work remotely (even before the pandemic hit), and because my mom was a teacher and was home for the summer and could watch the boys for me (and let’s be honest- because Georgia weather in July is gross), I got into the habit of spending two to three weeks each July in Minnesota. My parents have both a lake home and a cabin on another lake, along with all the toys that go with that, including jet skis, pontoon, kayaks, paddle boards, lily pads and more, and the boys were able to spend their days outside being active. I also had a chance to stay connected with old friends and enjoy time with my family. 

While Todd was not all that excited about a 17-hour drive, he did buy a ticket to fly up to Minnesota in order to make the long trip home with me. He arrived and it was like he had always been a part of the family. We woke up early every morning so he could swim in the lake, training for an upcoming Ironman race, and I would kayak next to him and serve as a guide for direction. I was terrible at this job but this was something that we did often at home in Peachtree City as well, and the time spent together in the water is something I will always remember. 

We took the boys to their first ever professional baseball game- Twins vs. Yankees. My mom thought it would be fun to take the train from their house to the stadium, as it is close to an hour away. This was a fantastic plan- until the game was STILL not over at midnight, and the boys were over the excitement, and the only train home didn’t leave until the game was over. Todd took charge and ordered an Uber for the five of us to go back to the house, leaving my mom and dad to take the train after the game so they could grab their car from the train station. I know I was tired, as I allowed him to pile the five of us into the tiny two-door sedan that pulled up as our designated ride home, and just closed my eyes and held on tight while the driver went at speeds well over the posted speed limits to get us back home. 

The boys were whisked off on a vacation with their dad from Minnesota, and Todd and I were able to spend the 17-hour drive home talking and laughing and connecting even more. Although it was long, even Todd had to admit that the drive itself wasn’t “too bad” and he enjoyed it in the end. At least- that’s what he said- but it was still somewhat early in the relationship and he was possibly just trying to earn points (which he did- I mean- he was in the car for that long with me and a 9-month old puppy- it was a big deal) but he did make at least two additional round trip drives with me, and would have been up for more. 

Shortly after that, Todd flew out to Houston to visit his parents, who were living in Houston temporarily while waiting for his dad to receive a new lung. We talked continuously while he was there, and in the middle of the week we decided that I should fly out for the weekend to join them. This was an opportunity for me to spend quality time with his parents, without the distraction of kids and work and everyday life. He was on the phone with me when I booked my ticket to Houston Hobby airport, which was approximately 10 minutes away from his parents. I got a very reasonable ticket on United (please know- as an ex-spouse of a Delta employee, I was VERY nervous to fly a different airline- brand loyalty is apparently my thing…). 

I remember clearly getting off the plane and letting him know I had landed. He was already at the airport to pick me up. I didn’t have luggage as it was a short weekend trip, so I walked right out to the curb. He assured me he was there waiting. I told him I didn’t see him. He asked which door I was at. I told him the door label that I was staring at. He told me that didn’t make any sense, then asked which terminal I was at- A, B or C. I told him again the label of the door. I heard him roll his window down and ask someone near him which terminal United was in. I also very clearly heard the answer- “United doesn’t operate at this airport.” 

So here’s the thing- even though I KNOW (and had proof in my internet tabs) that I searched for a ticket to the Houston Hobby airport, I had actually purchased a ticket direct to Houston George Bush Intercontinental Airport. Which was actually approximately one hour from Todd’s parents’ location. How Expedia allowed a search result for the WRONG airport to turn up, I don’t know. As someone who had a sister and brother work in the airline industry during college, as well as an ex-husband and mother-in-law who worked for an airline, I get the importance of those short, 3-letter airport codes. Obviously, I take full responsibility for not fully checking the ticket. 

BUT- in that moment, as Todd quietly said, “What is the airport code on your ticket?” I could not help but laugh. Because honestly- what else can you do? You can stress about it and be mad, which was his immediate response (possibly because I was laughing so hard I was crying, and he was the one who was about to have to drive an extra two hours round trip to pick me up…) or you can accept that it happened, since you can’t change it at that point, and shake your head at how life works out sometimes. 

Although I was laughing, I was also slightly concerned, as his parents’ first impression of me was going to be that I could not read, or that I was really flighty (no pun intended) and/or incompetent. I did offer to find an Uber to get closer to him, but being the gentleman that he was, he told me to sit tight and he would be there as soon as he could. When he arrived, he told me that he had called his parents and his mom had told him not to be too mad at me, which I thought was very sweet. 

We ended up spending a wonderful weekend with his parents. I was able to see the connection between them all, both to each other as a couple that had been married for a long time and were still devoted to each other, and between parent and child, both in his parents’ concern for him and wanting him to be happy and his concern for his parents and being worried about his dad’s health. It helped to reinforce the knowledge I had regarding his strong sense of family, and it became clear where he got those values from. 

While Todd had to take a few calls for work while we were there, he was disconnected enough that we were also able to spend hours together in the pool, talking about the future and our wishes and dreams, as well as our past, learning a lot about our younger years. I think this was the first time that we both started talking specifically about a future that included us, together. Houston will always hold a special place in my heart for just that reason.  

 I write all of this regarding meeting the parents as I sit on the deck of an amazing beach house in Florida. This was a house Todd had arranged for from a physician and friend at work. We talked in January 2021 about what vacations we wanted to fit in during the summer. As we talked about visiting family, we both agreed that we would really like for our parents to meet each other. With family being such an important part of our lives, the fact that they had never had the opportunity to meet was something that we both struggled with. The beginning of our story was such a whirlwind (I say that with zero regrets- I am thankful that he moved me past my usual slow speed so that we had as much time together as we did), and with neither one of us living close to parents, it never made sense for us to bring them together. 

Although we would have loved for them to have met at the wedding, that was not a part of God’s plan. We were married on a Saturday. On the Monday before the wedding, Todd got the call that we had been waiting for- a donor lung was available and his dad was headed to the hospital. Prayers were being answered and we were incredibly grateful. But also- it meant instead of having days to pack for the wedding, I had a matter of hours, as we had to get to the city of New Orleans to obtain the marriage license, which required both of our in-person signatures (pre-pandemic world, y’all)  and finalize wedding plans and still give Todd enough time to get to Houston to be with his dad in order to have enough time to turn around and make it back to New Orleans to be present for a groom’s dinner and the wedding itself. (Note- I know that’s a long run on sentence and the editor in me wants to fix it, but seriously- I don’t think there is any other way to convey the level of pressure we both felt.) 

In the hours between that first phone call and when we made it to New Orleans, everyone involved had decided that Todd traveling to Houston was not necessary until after the wedding, and he and I were actually blessed with a full week of time together in the French Quarter, when he was able to share with me and show me so many of the places and things that he loved, and that helped to shape who he was. Thankfully, the surgery was a success, his dad is recovering, and is one of my favorite people in the world, especially because of the example that he set for Todd on how to be a loving, family man. 

So due to circumstances outside of our control, our parents never met at the wedding. Todd’s parents were still recovering in Houston two months later, when my parents again arrived in New Orleans, this time to celebrate Mardi Gras Todd Domangue-style. Two weeks later, the world came to a standstill with stay-at-home orders issued across the world as COVID spread. It wasn’t so much that we couldn’t get our parents together to meet, but also that we ourselves were not able to see our parents as much as we wanted to, especially with his dad having just had a lung transplant. 

 As we discussed vacation options for 2021, we decided to find a beach house, invite both sets of parents, and invest a week in getting to know each other as family. I am a planner, and I went into immediate “let me search for a house” mode, but in true Todd fashion, he held his hand up, palm out, and said “Don’t worry about it sweetheart, I’ve got a connection.” Two days later, he texted to let me know we were all set, and we just needed to give each set of parents the dates to block on their calendars, which they both did. 

And now here I sit, on the deck of the beach house. All five kids are just getting out of bed- we were up until after midnight playing cards last night. We arrived yesterday afternoon and immediately recognized the incredible gift that God- through Todd and his connections- has given us in this amazing house. Each kid has their own bed. As they wandered through the house, they just kept repeating “Are you sure this is all for us?” and “Look at how big this place is” (while in my head I just kept repeating (and Hayley vocalized) “This is way too nice for us- we are not people who can have these nice things!!”). 

However, there are no grandparents/parents. They were able to meet in April, one day after I had to call them all to let them know that Todd had not survived the heart attack. Each and every one of them dropped everything to be at the house as quickly as humanly possible. That strong sense of family that both of us had ingrained in us at a young age, and that drew us to each other on a deeper level, came from the examples set by these two sets of strong, supportive and loving people, and I could not ask for a better support system.

While we miss them dearly, the fact that it is just the six of us, and that we can spend this week solely focused on spending time together and creating new memories and strengthening a family bond for a blended family in a very unique situation, is another gift from God in my eyes- another red balloon that I will be forever grateful for.