red balloons

I remember the day clearly. It was a random Thursday in early October. Todd had started working out at a new gym at his typical 5:30 a.m. time, and I had started joining him the month before. We would meet for workouts early in the morning- and when I say that I mean he would leave his house at 4:45 a.m. to start running the five miles to the gym before class and I needed to be driving on his running route about 10 minutes before class was starting just to make sure he was close enough and wouldn’t be late or else I needed to pick him up to get him there in time- then we would drop kids off at school together and take advantage of the short time we had to ourselves before needing to be at work with trips to the lake or out for coffee or picking up dry cleaning or any other one of those extraordinarily ordinary life tasks. 

On this particular day, Todd had been out late the night before at a baseball game with his friends from work. I had encouraged him to go and let him know I felt like he deserved every moment of a guys’ night out- they had worked hard and needed time to decompress. He was tired, but I remember sitting in the passenger seat of my car, and somehow the conversation veered toward our future. I cannot remember the exact words, but I am sure that he steered that conversation to exactly where he wanted it to be. Because he had dropped major hints about rings, I asked how he really felt about taking a step toward marriage. He was very clear with me that he was comfortable with where we were and didn’t feel the need to rush or to move toward an engagement. Then the conversation moved to how I would pick up Kylie for the weekend as he was headed out the following morning to speak at a conference in Florida. 

Earlier in the week, knowing that he was going to be out of town for the weekend, I had asked him if we could have a date night dinner for just the two of us before he left. He arranged for Hayley to babysit the rest of the crew for the evening, and I really didn’t put much further thought into it. I did ask that morning where he felt like eating, and he responded with a shrug and “We’ll figure it out.” 

I remember that I wore a pair of bootcut jeans I hadn’t been able to wear in awhile; but due to our early mornings in the gym six days out of the week, I was feeling good. I wore wedge boots and a maroon turtleneck. I wished I had time for a manicure but figured I would try to sneak one in over the weekend while he was gone. When he arrived to pick me up, he was in a suit coat and I immediately asked if I needed to change. He rolled his eyes and ushered me out to the car. 

He drove me to an absolutely beautiful community nearby called Serenbe. I had been there a few times in the past but had never eaten at the highly rated restaurant. My prior visits had included a trip for the outdoor presentation of the Sleepy Hollow Experience, which was absolutely amazing. My parents had been in town for a visit and we brought the boys for an adventure. The theater company presents the Sleepy Hollow story in authentic outdoor settings as you follow along as the play moves through the farm and there was absolutely nothing to compare the thrill of standing near a bridge at the end of the performance and watching the headless horseman thunder past you. 

When Todd and I arrived in the area, he brought me directly to the restaurant and gave his name to the hostess. We had to sit and wait for a few minutes. Looking back at it, I can see that he was nervous, but I had no idea at the time. We had a drink at the bar and walked around the area for a bit. We talked about the conference he was headed to and the talk he had prepared. When they called our name, instead of heading directly into the restaurant, she led us to a small side room set with a table for two. It was absolutely gorgeous. In that good old Todd Domangue fashion, he happened to know the owners of the restaurant and had called in a favor- because of course he did. And because this was such a standard I had become accustomed to when doing life with Todd, I had no idea that this should signal that he had something big planned for the evening. 

We proceeded to eat the best meal I have ever had in my life. It was a true farm-to-table menu and every single bite was fantastic. But even better than the food was the conversation. I will never know if the ease with which we jumped into a relationship and the depth of our conversations at the very start of our time together was due to the years we had known each other at church or if it was that we both innately knew that our connection was something special, but by the time we arrived at this dinner, jumping immediately into deep conversations about where our hearts were with each other was completely natural. He shared more stories of his time living in Woodstock, Georgia, and how he missed playing tennis on a regular basis. We talked about him joining the local tennis center so he could get back into it. This led me to ask him if there was anything else from his life before Christine passed away that he missed. I wanted to know if there was anything else that I could add to his life. 

He paused for a minute, then asked me to repeat my question. So I did- still not having the slightest clue what his intentions for the night were. I asked him again if there was anything from his life before Christine passed away that he missed. I wish that I could remember word for word what he said, but here is what I do remember: he said that he never thought he would find another love like he had with his first wife. I do remember him listing everything that he had fallen in love with about me. And I do remember him standing up from his chair, coming around the table and getting down on one knee while pulling a ring box out of his suit coat. 

At this point I was crying, and instead of an immediate yes, I just kept shaking my head and my first response was “Are you sure about this?” I guess I wanted to give him one last chance to make sure that he was in it for the long haul. He leaned up and kissed me and told me he had never been more sure of anything. So I said yes, and we cried together. The restaurant staff sent out champagne and EVERY SINGLE DESSERT ON THE MENU. It was- again- perfection. 

We called parents and siblings and cried some more and ate all the desserts and held hands and admired the ring and it all slowly started to sink in. Todd was very clear that he saw no reason to wait to get married and he really wanted to be married before he and the girls moved in. We spent a good amount of time working through logistics of blending families into my existing house. 

We went home and sat the kids down together in my kitchen and broke the news to them. There were a lot of questions but in the end, everyone seemed happy and excited about the new commitment and our future in general.  

The next morning, after meeting at the gym for our 5:30 a.m. workout and breaking the news to our friends there, Todd boarded a flight to Florida and was gone for the next three days. By the time he came home, the wedding was essentially planned. 

The way that things just magically fell into place while planning the big day continued to reinforce to me that our future together was just meant to be. Because we decided to get married in the French Quarter, which I was not very familiar with, Todd took the lead on making plans and I was able to enjoy dress shopping (which was a bit of a challenge with only a 7-week turnaround time), creating the guest list (also a bit of a challenge- what began as wanting to keep it very small and limited to immediate family and good friends only soon became obvious that we had quite a few very good friends and the guest list quickly hit more than 100 people), and celebrating new beginnings with my friends.

These friends threw me the most beautiful wedding shower in the history of showers- I haven’t been to every shower ever held, but I firmly stand behind this statement. They held the shower at our church, in the room where I attended Bible study each week and really grew to know Todd. It was holiday themed and the food, decor and love poured into that room were stunning. It was a “favorite things” themed shower, so for every gift I received, several of the attendees also got to choose a gift to bring home as well. The most highly fought over gift had to have been the mini-waffle maker and mixing bowl set- and for good reason- we still use it on an almost daily basis around our house. The whole day was simply magical. 

That magic continued into the wedding itself. As plans started to come together, I realized that even though we hadn’t ever discussed fairy tale wedding features (by the time we were planning this wedding, after having gone through the divorce, I was not at all tied to any of the standard, little girl dream wedding customs), so many of the details lined up with my wildest dreams coming true. 

I found the perfect dress- after going back and forth on if I needed to wear an actual wedding dress or just a white, formal gown- I spent an afternoon dress shopping with one of my very best friends and Hayley, and I realized that if I wasn’t in a wedding gown, I didn’t really feel like a bride. The local wedding dress shop had the most flattering dress in my size and on sale and it was a sign from above. While at the appointment, my very crafty friend and I came up with a plan for her to create a lovely, sparkly belt for my dress and the deal was sealed. 

It took a little longer for Todd to decide on what he wanted to wear. He was one of the most masculine, powerful men I have ever met, but the man really liked to look good, and he knew what to wear to make sure he did. He ordered several jackets- one was gold and shiny and I did one of those “Oh, well, I guess that might work” comments, because if it was something he loved I didn’t want to tell him no, but also, it was a statement piece. He ended up landing on a more subdued blue and black jacket, jeans and blue suede shoes. 

At the time of the engagement, Kylie’s favorite color was teal, which was the color that represented awareness of Christine’s cancer. My focus was to make sure that the girls still felt a connection to their mom, so we chose teal as our wedding color, and I let the girls choose their own dresses. We ordered velvet jackets, jeans and black sneakers for the boys. 

I felt calm, cool and collected as we approached the week of the wedding. And then, as mentioned in my “meet the parents” post, the Monday before the wedding, Todd got a call in the middle of the night that the news we had all been waiting on had come through and his dad was on his way to the hospital to receive a lung transplant. We spent the day packing everything we would possibly need for the wedding and rearranging plans for the kids to be taken care of until they would be driven to New Orleans at the end of the week, and we were on the road headed to Louisiana by early afternoon. 

I know that Todd’s focus was on getting to his dad. I know that he wanted to see his dad in person before the surgery. As we drove the six hours from Georgia to Louisiana, Todd had the chance to FaceTime with his dad. He was able to speak with him for a bit, look him in the eye, and tell him how much he loved him. We were trusting in God to bring Enos through the surgery and praying continuously. Through his mom and dad’s urging, we decided that Todd didn’t need to make the trip to Houston until the day after the wedding as his dad would be in recovery for days, and there wasn’t much that Todd could do for him in the meantime. Although it was something we all agreed on, I also know he would have preferred to have been on the next plane to Houston to confirm there was nothing he could do there. 

While we were on this six-hour road trip in a truck filled with wedding clothes, Mardi Gras decor for our reception tables, and cases of wine (courtesy of my trip to Napa Valley thank you very much), we started talking through day-by-day details for our time in the French Quarter. Todd knew several people who owned condos in the Quarter and we were taking over both for the weekend. Our plan was to invite the family over for dinner the night before the wedding and have it catered with true cajun food from a local favorite of Todd’s. As we thought through the number of people that would be invited to that dinner, we once again realized that as much as we wished for small functions, we just had too many people we loved that we wanted to be a part of the festivities. I do not think this was a negative thing, just one that made logistics difficult. So as we drove, Todd made a call (this was such a huge part of who he was- one phone call and magic happened) and we had a dinner for 50 people booked at The Rib Room in the Omni Royal Hotel for that Friday evening. 

We spent a full morning at city hall. We went for a marriage license and left an hour later with not only the marriage license, but a parade permit and planned police escort for the “Domangue-Early wedding” second line parade, as well as the phone number and coffee/muffin order for three of the sweetest ladies that worked in the office- because that was just who Todd was. After picking up the coffee/muffins and delivering them as ordered, we headed back to the French Quarter and spent the next few days wandering, enjoying the art and the food and the shopping. 

My sister had arranged to fly in on Wednesday of the wedding week so she could help me with last minute details. She spent the first night with us in the condo. The next day, between running personal appointment errands with me and being introduced to all the French Quarter had to offer, we got to move her just a few blocks away to where she would be staying for the week. She had originally booked a condo with a beautiful kitchen area and stunning chandeliers that would serve as a perfect backdrop for pictures of the bridal party getting ready. In the days leading up to her arrival, she received notice that the condo she booked would no longer be available. It was currently rented by Justin Timberlake’s manager, and, for professional reasons, he needed to extend his stay. They offered her a different condo instead. And my big sister, in true Todd Domangue-style, said “No thank you, that’s not pretty. We need a background for pictures for a bridal party that will be unforgettable.” And so, as I am learning, as so often happens to those who stand their ground, this rental company offered up to her a triple-the-size-of-her-original-condo mansion within the French Quarter (for the same price). It was absolutely gorgeous. With historic, exposed brick walls, chandeliers in every room, arched doorways and a stunning staircase, it was exactly what I dreamed of for pictures. 

Family and friends started trickling into town on Thursday evening, and on Friday morning, we went over to Cafe du Monde for cafe au lait and beignets. If you have ever been to the French Quarter, you may have seen the long line that is a constant at this iconic place. Apparently, there is a New Orleansian understanding that you really don’t need to stand in that line- you can just walk in and grab a table. We had arranged to meet a few of my friends with their families for a treat that morning. What started out as a three-table gathering quickly grew into a four-table and then a six-table gathering as more and more friends continued to show up. It was an amazing start to the most wonderful weekend. 

Later that morning, as we walked through Jackson Square and introduced my family to the fun street performers on every corner, Todd looked at me and said “We never figured out entertainment for the kids” and he was off. He went directly to a man dressed in a bright orange and green clown suit who was making balloon animals on the street corner. When he walked back to us, not only had he booked the man to come to our reception the next day to make balloon animals for the kids, but he had also learned that the man was a classically trained French chef, and he had booked him to come to my sister’s mansion the morning after the wedding to cook breakfast for the family. What more could you ask for?

Friday evening arrived quickly and we were celebrated further by family and friends with dinner at the Rib Room restaurant. There were Christmas trees, garland and sparkling lights everywhere. The love and support in the room was so festive and fun. My mom had stayed with the kids for the week back home and drove them to Louisiana that day, with the help of my aunt who flew in to Atlanta to help her make the drive. They got all our attention as they started singing their very own version of the “12 Days of Christmas/the Wedding” that they had made up during the drive- bless her heart, I cannot even imagine the patience that took. We were able to introduce our families, and although we were missing Todd’s parents, his dad had successfully come through surgery and was recovering well, and with a firm plan in place for when Todd would be able to get to Houston to see him, I felt that Todd was able to relax into the weekend.

When the dinner was done, the ladies headed back to the mansion for a girls’ night sleepover- mainly to make it easier for us to all be in one place for the glam squad in the morning, but also to have some girl time before the big day. I do not know the details of what and/or where the men went that night- there are very few photographic details- but in every one of them, Todd was laughing and looked truly happy; I was slightly jealous that us girls didn’t go out to find our own fun that night. 

I woke up early the next morning, excited to get started with the day. My sister had arranged for hair and makeup to come to the house, so all I needed to do was shower and walk down the grand staircase to make an entrance in the “Mrs. Domangue” robe that she had bought for me. The next few hours were a blur of curling irons and bobby pins and coffee and makeup brushes and champagne and gifts for the girls and undergarments and clothing steamers and dresses and shoes and it was fantastic. One of my very best friends is an amazing photographer who had agreed to document my day and having her in the mix with us was such a blessing. My sister’s refusal to settle for anywhere that wouldn’t allow for amazing photographs definitely paid off as we were able to take some stunning pictures that morning. One of my aunts had traveled to Georgia from Florida in order to help my mom drive my crew of kids to Louisiana, and she handed me rings from my grandma and great grandma to wear as something old and something borrowed. I had something blue and something new taken care of. 

We left the mansion as a crowd, and instead of walking the blocks needed to get to the theater where we held the ceremony, Todd had arranged for a horse-drawn carriage to pick us all up. I am not one who enjoys being in the spotlight often- that introverted piece of my personality- but it was crazy fun to travel the streets of the French Quarter with people stopping to take our picture and yelling out good wishes. We ended up arriving at the theater a little too quickly, so we circled the block and had our driver drop us off around the corner to give Todd and all the guests arriving at the theater time to get inside the building. 

We had chosen the La Petite Theater as our ceremony space. It’s in a beautiful, historic location right on the corner of Jackson Square in the French Quarter. They were hosting a performance of A Christmas Carol, so the theater itself was decked out for Christmas with more trees, garland, and sparkling lights everywhere you looked. The stage was set for the play and served as a beautiful backdrop for our vows. As I entered the theater, filled with family and friends- many who I knew but also many I had not had a chance to meet often- my heart was full looking at the stage that held my whole world. The girls were standing ready to greet me and my three boys were standing so still next to Todd. It was a moment I will never forget. (I am also so thankful that I didn’t trip on those theater steps- with my history of tripping in the movie theater in sneakers- in my wedding heels it was tricky…) 

Beautiful music was sung by one of Todd’s good friends, who is also an opera star; beautiful scriptures were read; beautiful words were said by the pastor performing the service; beautiful vows were promised; and beautiful rings were exchanged (okay- maybe just my ring was beautiful- Todd requested the sports ring sold at the front counter of Dick’s Sporting Goods and for $20 I didn’t push him any further). I’m fairly certain there was also a reference to The Brady Bunch and a statement made about us needing to produce one more girl to make it complete- which we both firmly refused. 

When the ceremony was over, our guests all received umbrellas and handkerchiefs and were greeted at the theater doors by the brass band that Todd had lined up to lead our second line parade. For those not familiar, a second line is a parade tradition in New Orleans, and when done at a wedding it signifies and celebrates the beginning of a new life together for the newlyweds. Again- I am not one who wants to be the center of attention- but for that short amount of time, dancing down the streets of the French Quarter, followed by a big brass band and about 100 of our closest family and friends- as well as any stranger that wanted to join in along the way- I was embracing what was such a huge part of who Todd was- the fun that life offers if you just open yourself up to the opportunity. 

Our second line took us several blocks around the Quarter and we ended up back at the theater, except this time right next door, to the restaurant Tableau, where we had an entire courtyard devoted to our wedding brunch. Open bar mimosas and bloody marys and all-you-could-eat shrimp and grits, eggs benedict, oysters and bread pudding. Todd had arranged for Christine’s cousin to paint our reception, so he was set up in one corner, and his talent is unmatched. The portrait hangs right next to the front door of our house where I see it every time I come and go. He captured the backdrop of the red brick walls of the courtyard, decked out for Christmas with garlands and wreaths, the beautiful fountain that served as a centerpiece, and yes, even the clown making balloon animals for the kids, dressed in his bright orange and green clown suit (which clashes a bit with the red backdrop and pushes against all of my natural instincts for neutral colors, but stands for such a wild story and Todd moment and I love that the memory is forever captured in bright colors). 

Because it was not our first wedding, we were not tied to many of the typical wedding traditions and did not have speeches or toasts or bouquet/garter tossing. I actually didn’t even see much of Todd throughout the brunch- we were both so busy celebrating with friends and family that had traveled quite a ways to be with us that day. At one point we must have been somewhat close to each other, because one of his friends grabbed us both, put our hands together, and commanded that he have a first dance with his wife. It was a lovely moment where we were able to ignore all the guests around us, enjoy a few seconds where we could just breathe together, and the pictures of that dance bring back wonderful memories. 

As everyone ate their fill and enjoyed the open bar, some trickled out to explore the French Quarter around us. Others stayed to continue conversations with those they hadn’t seen in awhile. We handed out tickets at the door, as we had paid for everyone invited to the wedding to attend the matinee performance for A Christmas Carol in the theater where we had just gotten married. We had the entire balcony area reserved, and the play was fantastic. 

Walking back to the condo from the theater, we continued to receive well wishes- when you’re in a full wedding dress people tend to notice you. We walked past a corner where at least 10 Santas were hanging out together and of course had to take a picture. We made it back to the condo and one of my favorite pictures of the day is Kylie, still in her dress and shoes, leaning against my dad on one end of the sofa with her feet up on Todd’s lap on the other end of the sofa. It had been the most amazing day, but getting back into the condo with our newly created family brought a sense of warmth and peace that I never took for granted. 

We napped for a bit and then headed back out to the dueling piano bar at Pat O’Brien’s for a night of revelry with all our friends and family. Although he was never one to really commission pictures, this was an exception and Todd asked their professional photographer to take a picture of our group, which still sits on my desk today. There are a lot of people squeezed into the shot- a testament to who Todd was in that so many people wanted to be there for him (and me too).   

As I look through pictures of that wonderful, magical day, I am again hit with so many answered prayers. From the time I was a little girl, I always wanted a Christmas-time wedding- mainly for all the decorations and sparkling lights everywhere. I always wanted to be delivered to the ceremony in a horse and carriage. I wanted to be surrounded by close family and friends. And I wanted to be saying “I do” to my soulmate. And I did.   

The week had been a whirlwind, but in such a good way. My heart was full to bursting with how happy I was- which was not something that I had expected to find again in my life. Through all of the hard work that I had to put in to rebuild myself following my divorce, as much as I prayed for exactly this outcome, and as much as I told myself (and continue to tell myself today) that I needed to hand it all over to God to see what good he could make of it, I still had doubts. I think that’s perfectly normal, but I also think that God was showing me, very specifically, that He had it all handled and if I just let myself trust in him, the good that He provided far exceeded anything I could imagine. 

Here is very specific proof, from my own life, that He can make all things good. And as I continue to struggle on a daily basis with the feelings of doubt and grief that can take me out at the knees at any moment, I also try to focus in on a verse that has become my daily mantra: (Philippians 4:8)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. 

 Which then leads me to expand out from that very specific verse to the ultimate guidance in the verses surrounding it to find peace: (Philippians 4: 4-8)

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Because for me, what is true is that God took devastation in both Todd’s and my life and worked it out into something that was noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. It doesn’t mean that I would wish either of our circumstances onto anyone else; or that our finding each other was the reason that either of us and our families needed to go through the devastation in the first place; however, I’m not in control of this story. When I think of what I have received from God, it really does allow moments of peace in an otherwise hectic, stressful, absolutely NOT extraordinarily ordinary daily life. I am working daily to put into practice not being anxious about anything and giving it all to the Lord, which sometimes seems like an impossible task. And even though I know the end of this fairy tale was not exactly a “happily ever after” that I had hoped for, I can feel that the Lord is near, and I have faith that there is a bigger picture I am not able to see on this side of heaven. 

(P.S. The day after the wedding, real life came back into play fast and furious. Instead of driving home with my new husband and blended family, he was in a car on his way to Houston to see his dad for the next 10 days and I was in a car with 4 out of 5 kids and Christine’s mom, Gram, headed home to be a single mom to even more kids than I’d had before. I got home, looked at the calendar, and realized we were 10 days away from Christmas and I had bought NOT ONE single gift for one single child. Amazon was SUCH a blessing that year! And even though he had been focused on wedding planning; we had to leave town days earlier than we had originally planned; and he spent the 10 days between the wedding and Christmas in Houston only getting home the morning of Christmas Eve, that evening as we were opening gifts, Todd still magically pulled a tiny little bag out from under the tree that held a diamond necklace for me- which became his tradition for the two Christmases that we had together, and I like to think would have continued.)